I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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