Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
