Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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