she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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