In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
