Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
