I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
