Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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