I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
