Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
and you fell through a lawn chair
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
