She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
