Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
