Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
