I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
