i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
