Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
