He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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