all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
