why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
