FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
