Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
