I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
