Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
