NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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