are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
