I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
