Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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