can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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