Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
