Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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