we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
