a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
