would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
