so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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