apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
