Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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