i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
