I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
