U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
