Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
