if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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