Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
