Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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