i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
