There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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