he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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