Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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