just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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