i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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