I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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