So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
