the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
