It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
