shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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