i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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