Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
