She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
