What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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