Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
