i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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