return my video game
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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