If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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