remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
