he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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